"My Child Taught Me Patience"

I’ve heard proud parents say it over and over again. “My child taught me patience.”

This is one of the most frustrating statements ever, because it’s so patently stupid and yet if you point that out to them, you’re a dick.

But I can speak freely here.

Our kids do not teach us shit. Least of all patience.

Our kids are selfish monsters with not only no respect for our time, they don’t even have an awareness of it.

All time is their time. Your time, my time, everyone’s time is their time.

I’m having a temper tantrum. In other words, I’m teaching you patience. You’re welcome.

Saying that your child taught you patience is like saying that Hurricane Katrina taught you resilience.

After it decimated your home, you were forced to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and rebuild everything from scratch.

And you know what, it made you a better person.

Thanks, Hurricane Katrina!

Did Hurricane Katrina destroy this house? Or did it teach it’s owners resilience?

Idiots.