Hihokan (秘宝官) - "Adult Museum" in Atami

High upon one of Japan’s most venerated mountains sits one of Japan’s most awe-inspiring castles, Atami-Jo. Slightly below that in terms of altitude, but soaring above it in terms of culture and adoration sits Hihokan, an “adult museum” for inquiring minds interested in the history of sex in Japan.

Atami Castle is on the far right, Hihokan is in the middle, and Korakuen Hotel is on the left.

Hihokan (秘宝官) translates literally to the Secret Treasure Museum. Provided your idea of “Secret Treasure” is furtive glances at the overgrown bush of Asian mannequins, this is the place for you.

I poke fun of Hihokan because I love. I don’t want to sell it short or long, so I’ll just get outta the way and get down to business. Much like the ancients do in this too-close-to-reality-for-comfort silver relief.

This feast for the eyes is located in the lobby. We have much to learn from our “primitive” ancestors.

Some of the highlights featured at Hihokan include 19th century Ukiyo-e (wood-block prints) of well-endowed Japanese dudes giving it to mostly interested but occasionally reading-a-book traditional “hotties” (with helpful blue highlights to make sure we locate penetration without having to suffer through any so-called art), Kama Sutra-esque figurines, a wide vary of dildos, a whale dick longer than I am tall but relatively thin (Whale burn! Take that, uber long pencil dicks!) attempting to penetrate a vagina as long as my arm, a plethora of cute, amusing, and varied dioramas, as well as an ingenious room revealing the truth behind famous paintings.

Technically, you’re not allowed to take photos at this museum of fine art, but I couldn’t help but feel that if it’s for the people, for the little guy out there busting his ass to eke out a living, I owe it to him to risk my liberty to offer a glimpse of pure unbridled happiness. Also, I think it’s a good advertisement for the “museum” as long as I’m not one of those assholes who posts everything there is to see and profits from it. I do not. There is much more to see. And frankly, I only profit when I save your soul and Jesus gives me a cut of his soul-saving profits.

An Edo-period geisha peep show.

A diorama of a ring toss with a devilish twist.

A diorama of everyone’s favorite sexy play.

Birth of Venus. Step onto the mat in front of the masterpiece to reveal what she’s covering up. Hint: It’s not a vagina.

The Gleaners. Step onto the mat in front of the masterpiece to reveal what they’re gleaning. Hint: It’s not a vagina.

To sum up, the Secret Treasure Museum known as Hihokan is well worth a visit for tourists interested in deepening their knowledge of Japanese sexy time history. It’s just a stone’s throw from Tokyo (roughly 40 minutes via the Shinkansen) and is a great way to whittle some time away when waiting for a fireworks show in Atami, which run year-round.

Incidentally, those fireworks shows in Atami are awesome. I go to at least three a year, so give me a shout when you go and I’ll be happy to sign your boobs there.

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