Being Present: A Guru’s Guide to Living in the Moment

After basketball practice in middle school, I was inevitably the last kid waiting for his parent to pick him up. Often late into the night. During that time, I had two options:

Read a book

Or live in the moment

You know what I chose to do?

I chose to take a load off on the school’s front stairs and just live. Right there, right then. And only right there and then. Completely present in the moment.

I stared at the stars sparkling in the night sky. I listened to the sounds of crickets chirping and owls hooting. I smelled the fragrances of freshly cut grass and my own teenage boy sweat. I delighted in the touch of smooth concrete and the occasional nocturnal breeze caressing my cheeks. I savored the tastes of leftover peanut butter and jelly sandwichs and my own teenage boy sweat.

Yeah, that’s right, I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and licked my own arms. Wanna fight about it?!

That’s right, my precocious proteges. From an early age, I began my ascension to transcendental meta-existence.

I chose the path to unparalleled awareness.

To cosmic truth.

To becoming the rockstar guru you know and love. The one who enables you to live a life uncluttered by crude distractions.

Your guru of living in the moment, being present, and all things cosmic metaphysical spiritual ecstasy truth connection not at all bullshitty.

But thinking back on it now, from my apartment above my mom’s garage, I realize what I should have been doing.

Reading a fucking book.

I should have been tuning out the rest of the world and plunging head first into the worlds of Asimov, Wells, and Tolkien. And reading practical books like Rich Dad Poor Dad, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and Memoirs of a Douchebag.

I should have been reading anyone or anything that would have helped prepare me for the future. Something that stimulated my imagination and creativity, while also inspiring me to do something with my life. To land a real job. Something that pays a decent wage, makes me happy, and maybe even helps me help others.

But nope. I just sat there like a goon. Staring at the sky and occasionally licking my arm. What a fucking idiot.

Do yourself a favor, tell anyone who tells you to live in the moment, to “please be quiet. I’m trying to read a book that I’m not only enjoying, but may also help me avoid becoming a mouth-breathing blowhard.”

And you know what? You don’t even have to read. Any of the so-called ‘distractions’ are fine. Whatever you enjoy. Be it Netflix or TikTok or 4chan pages of soiled lingerie.

Because it all adds up. Despite what self-satisfied doucheboogers will tell you, any and all of these experiences not only bring enjoyment in the moment, but they can lead to unexpected and life-changing events.

Maybe you’ll connect with your future spouse by laughing about a grumpy cat meme you both saw when you were 13 years old.

Maybe she was waiting for her parents to pick her up, too.

Maybe both of your parents were fuckups who were always late.

Probably cause they were too busy traversing the labyrinth of existence to pick you up on time.