That Bill Murray is Full of Shit!

Or at least the guy behind The Bill Murray Stories: Life Lessons Learned from a Mythical Man, is.

The main life lesson we’re taught is to live like Bill Murray: In the moment … spontaneously … having fun.

In one of his more famous stunts, Murray walked up behind a man taking a pee in the men’s room of a bar, covered his eyes, and whispered in his ear. “No one will ever believe you.”

I did the exact same thing at the Hooters in Shibuya and the dude spun around and punched me in the gut.

“Fag!” he said, zipping up his fly as he scurried out of the bathroom.

I figured I should have started off in a less suspect setting, so I decided to imitate another famous stunt where Murray was found washing dishes at a stranger’s party.

After a few drinks to get the mood right, I happened upon a swanky home party in the posh area of Azabu Juban. But when found meticulously scrubbing champagne flutes, I wasn’t met with squeals of joy and gasps of, “Oh my God! That’s John Box! … Washing our dishes!”

No, I was physically removed from the premises to shouts of, “Get the hell out of here, you creep!”

Despite striking out twice, I figured that since I was in Japan — the Land of Karaoke — I couldn’t fail by imitating another one of Murray’s mythical experiences.

I guess it goes without saying that I quickly got the boot to a chorus of boos and taunts of, “Who the hell are you?! And why do you think anyone wants to hear you sing, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?!!!”

To conclude, the actual life lesson to be learned from the Bill Murray Stories is not that we should be more spontaneous to delight regular folk and inspire joy, but that we should first become famous, and not only famous, but be that rare celebrity who is loved by all, and then start doing random shit that makes everyone’s year. That first part is pretty fucking important.

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