An Open Letter to U.S. Porn - EXPLICIT PICS - 18+ ONLY
/Dear U.S. Porn,
I will begin and end this letter with a question.
What the fuck?!
What is up with your obsession with huge penises? Do you think that straight guys get off to looking at gigantic cocks?!
Isn’t it enough that I’m hunched over my toilet with my iPhone in one hand and my dick in the other while the dude on screen gets to drill some hot vixen?! His penis also has to be two-to-three times bigger than mine?!! How much more of a loser do you need me to feel like?!!!
How about featuring some small to average-size penises so I can maintain what little dignity I have?
Also, the cocks are usually so big that the only way the dude can cum is by jerking himself off with whatever special technique he’s developed over his years of bridling his monstrosity. It’s kinda pathetic actually. So at least us normal folk have that going.
Plus, they’re generally pretty limp. Fucking jokes!
Why so violent? I watch porn to pretend I get to have sex with a hottie, not to pretend I’m Ike Turner.
Why are the dudes always yanking the ladies by the hair and choking them with either their hands or their massive dongs?!
How about we have more average-sized dudes with average temperaments drilling good-looking ladies?
And why the fuck do you make the girls pretend they like that shit?!
When the dude pulls their hair, they always grit their teeth and say, “Oh, yeah. Pull my hair!”
When the dude wraps his hand around their necks, they always smile wickedly and say, “Oh, yeah. Choke me, baby!”
And when the dude shoves his gargantuan penis down their throats, after almost gagging to death, they always spit on it with the kind of vitriol usually reserved for bigotry yet somehow in this porn context means they love it.
Can’t we just have dudes with average cocks and temperaments banging gorgeous hotties who love having sex, but don’t have to pretend they love getting the shit kicked out of them while doing it?
I mean seriously, U.S. porn, What the fuck?!!!
***For notifications of new Great White Host blog posts & pee-your-pants awesome promos, sign up to Box’s Bullet, my monthly e-newsletter, via the sign-up box in the sidebar. It’s probably located below on smartphones.***
p.s. I will give you credit for this gem, though.